When you make a hole in the center of a piece of Wonder bread then fry an egg in the hole in a hot pan full of foamy butter, that is called "egg bread". My Dad would even butter and fry the holes (like toast) and we fought over them.
Without ample time to shower, my Mom takes what she has always called a "bird bath" over the bathroom sink.
I watch "Golden Girls" reruns over and over. If I never marry, I'd find a group of wacky women to live with in later years. I would be Blanche. I adore how they dress, especially the nightgowns. My sleepwear is always flannel bottoms and cotton tank tops. I’m bringin’ fabulous nightwear back.
If I was cast on the reality show Big Brother I would dress like a Fredrick’s of Hollywood model 24 x 7 as part of my game strategy, including mules with a fuzzy marabou tuft on top.
The Christmas I was eight, my brothers and I fought so much Santa came and took our presents back. We had to pack them up and leave them in the foyer. After a week or so of being good, he brought them back one morning after church.
The best part of going to church every Sunday was watching my Dad thump the bottom of the copper collection plate instead of dropping coins into it and going to IHOP after for chocolate-chip pancakes with whipped cream.
I never got sat down for the sex talk. I recall finding one of those Your Body and You books in the bookcase, but that was it. For the longest time, I thought babies were "pooped" out.
My Mom wanted to name me "Jill", but my Dad insisted on "Jocelyn" after discovering the name in the some movie credits. I really hated having such an oddball, different-from-all-the-other kids name growing up, but wish I could transition to it now as an adult. But how do you do that? Did Gordon Sumner one day just demand everyone call him "Sting"?
My nicknames are "Jodie Luv" and "Dearinee" (dur-ree-knee). My brother’s nicknames were "Bobby Good-Guy" and "Jeff-Pork". I don’t recall Joe’s nickname. My Dad calls himself "Joey Kash". When I graduated from college, he had t-shirts printed up that read, "Joey Kash - The Adventure Continues (TAC)" because he was traveling a lot at the time, with a stop in Colorado for the ceremony. I have a picture taken that day of me surrounded by a dozen drunk people wearing the same dark navy blue t-shirt.
11:32 p.m. Tuesday and I can't sleep.