Thursday, January 31, 2008

Angst in Your Pants

pas•sion [pash-uhn]
noun
1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling
2. strong amorous feeling or desire
3. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything

Passion is at the heart of pretty much everything we do, everything we are. Passion defines love, hate, indifference, desire and theology. It feeds sexual chemistry, violence, religious fervor, the boundless enthusiasm for a job, a food, an author, a man, a woman. Passion is the electrical charge.

"Let me ask you," he said into the phone last night. "Why does passion stop?" We talk like that, he and I. “Maybe it’s not that passion ends, really", I said. "Things get…comfortable. And that can be good. Right?”

I don't believe that, but perhaps it’s more a “do as I say, not as I do” situation. See, I don’t do well with long-term commitment. I sell stocks soon after I buy them. I never make it through a loaf of bread without half growing a thick layer of mold. The subscription to Rolling Stone I maintained for nearly two decades (but now defunct…what happened to that magazine?) is one of the longest relationships I’ve had. I make a great friend. My closest friends, the keepers of my secrets, the ones with whom (I found out recently) I can lower all inhibitions to and become vulnerable with have been in my life (in one form or another) for 23 years, 18 years, 14 years. One woman. Two men. I have a certain kind of passion for each of them. They each fit like a glove, and a comfy one at that. I’m always excited and interested to partake in their lives.

However, on average and at my best, physical relationships run three months give or take. The wonderful “honeymoon stage”, that magical time when whose family to spend Thanksgiving with, socks on the floor and skid marks don’t exist. In the “honeymoon phase” it’s all about butterflies in the belly, desire and discovery. It’s like jumping out of a plane and hoping you land on your feet. It's passion and I lap it up like milk in bowl.

“I can’t imagine not wanting to be close like that”, are the words of wisdom I share with him. But it takes time and effort, to stay connected in the head as well as the bed. When the two meet, the passion just follows.

Knowing that, I went to bed very, very late last night and with a smile on my face.

3 comments:

Aries327 said...

So which guy was this? :)

Jodie K said...

The one I never "caught".

But who definitely got away...

Miz UV said...

I'm always in favor of going for the new, not the one who got away. But don't listen to me.

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