Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Young Love Lust

Online dating is like kissing through Saran Wrap.

It lacks chemical reaction, physical cues in the tilt of the head, the walk, the stance. I've gone melty from the way a man stroked the salt shaker, swooned at the throb of a deep baritone. Watching a mouth form letters draws attention to lips, mostly the lower one and thoughts of pulling on it gently with teeth (disclaimer: occurs most often after one or more Dirty Birds, a.k.a. the Grey Goose dirty martini). Internet flirting bars the casual-my-hand-on-your-knee-response to a pithy, funny or familiar story and begs lying about martial status, age, appearance; beware the profile picture of the handsome man at a Reagan campaign rally, reading “Life Magazine” and drinking a Crystal Pepsi.

"So you’re what, 27 or so?"

We shared photos taken May-June-July, three-month growth charts. Even shaving a few years to be kind, it was the best first non-date-line ever. He's in advertising, a Cali transplant, 43, with a head full of dark wavy hair and boyish good looks. He likes motorcycles and music. And sex. Yes, Virginia, most men seeking companionship online rapidly advance to "What do you 'like'" or send the beach photo in hopes to spark a nipple conversation and the unladylike use of the word "hard". It's all rapidly fast forwarded to the third date, the time one would typically put out.

I’m somewhat non-traditional, a woman who thinks more like a man than a woman. If the condom fits wear it. But is dinner too much to ask? Something kooky, like flowers on a birthday, a kiss goodnight?

I'm may try church goin' next. There's a wonderful, below the surface sexual pulse in "godly" men, the repressed kind. Amen.


Miz UV said...

Yay! Reality is overrated anyway.

/brandon\ said...

you still have to be careful about viruses.*

*the only reason i am using a joke that dates at least to 1994 is because after 5 years of blogging i am completely out of original material. lol.

JodieKash said...

B, stop me if you've heard this one...guy with a Betamax walks into a bar...

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