Wednesday, December 31, 2008

(Just Like) Starting Over

As 2008 melts away, dissolving like this piece of dark chocolate on my tongue, I disappear for an hour or two into blogs written in the past 12 months, revisiting landmarks and rest stops and scenic overlooks. A lovely, difficult and triumphant year.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot? Some of them.

Tonight's destination, maybe a private party at a jazz club downtown, cheap dirty drinks in a cheap dirty tavern on South Broadway or me, Thai take-out and a Strangers with Candy marathon. Don’t know yet, but the quest for the perfect red dress ends today at the behemoth Colorado mother ship Macy’s, two grand levels and thousands of square feet stupid with potential. I was too fat most of 2007 to shop Macy’s or Nordstrom or any other wonderful boutique shop. But five sweaty hours a week since April in the gym, the majority spent building and reshaping my quads and ass in spinning class, and I could now crack a man’s head like a peanut between my thighs. Thirty pounds gone with 40 more to follow takes me half way there, livin’ on a prayer. Fell off the snack cart a couple times, but stayed the course.

Said goodbye to a Dad and a good deal of biologically tied family, but re-emerged to meet authentic me and take great gulps of the taste and smell of everyday joy.

After too much time spent doubting my beauty, I learned to flirt, getting better after a few rocky starts.

Then there was the guitar player, whose swagger and stubble, talent and testosterone had me enthralled.

I dove in the deep end of boys and men and crazy, no-more-holds-barred sex. Four men wandered into my bed, including an actor, a romantic and fireman fantasy. There was one who peeled back some layers, made my hands shake. I think I fell a little, didn’t realize I had it in me. And I didn’t sleep with him.

Lost a friend full of grace and ballsy attitude. And watched true love transcend closed eyes.

Note to self in ’09, really need to change that profile picture.


Don said...

Your post about the funeral got to me.

I never witnessed a man love a woman, a husband love a wife, so much with words shared from a pulpit. Last kisses and touches, hands shaking as pictures were pulled from a breast pocket and tucked into silent, folded hands.

It's in me to love this much and more, it's like an egg that never fully hatched, and I know that the years I shared with the one I kept were sweet for the most part, that there were times I wanted to love her that much and maybe really did now and then. But now it's poisoned by our respective demons, a fine wine that got sour milk poured into it, and the question is do we really want to filter the milk out, or just go pour new glasses?

Anyway, that's 2009 to me. No reason to look back on '08.

I hope your '09 brings more exciting discovery, especially of your beautiful self, and that when you look back over the rim from '10, there are no regrets.

Crys said...

this was fabulous.
my two cents? buy the red dress and STILL stay home and watch SWC.

you're a lovely woman. you inspire me in a lot of ways. 2009 is going to be GREAT for you!

Paula Light said...

Happy New Year, Jodie! Hope 2009 brings you fabulous things. :)

Jefe said...

Happy New Year, JK. 2009 WILL be better than 2008. I both guarantee and promise it.

Jodie Kash said...

@All – Bought the fuckin’ dress ;) Will fit better 7 pounds from now, but it’s fuckin’ mine. I’ll take a pic tomorrow to post. Also bought a slip to sleep in; won’t post a pic of that.

@Don – The dam is about burst on all that truth, ain’t it? Please let me rub your head and say, “Just be happy.”

@Crys – Puhlease, you’re the girl I so, so wanted to like me. And you do. You really like me. And you’re a lovely woman. When are you coming to Denver?

@Paula – Ditto, en masse.

@JK - On my turf you are ;) Say whatever comes to mind, I can. You could only truly guarantee me that naked, so I’ll take you in the spirit intended instead.

Happy, happy all. I count you among friends. Here's to a 2009 with more time spent with our feet in the air.

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