Sunday, January 25, 2009

My Own Worst Enemy

Sometimes it’s dangerous to peek in doors.

It’s easy to imagine every coupling as a cozy duo. Making the coffee and enjoying a lazy Sunday for two. The sex better every time. A Valentine card. Choo-choo-choose me.

Wish I could wear a bikini top, scattered freckles soaking up the sun and Vitamin D without layers of regularly reapplied SPF. Never have (well, tried once). I envy her in tank tops.

How much more money does he make, what's the price tag on his creativity? The wife stays home with the kids; glimpses of the house and yard in happy online photos show a life so cozy, so Crate and Barrel. So worth more.

Fierce independence aside, I want to be a girl he'd sit on the couch and listen to music with. There’s a fine line between saucy and salacious, one I straddle often and usually sans panties. Want the love reward too.

He tells tales of self-loathing and doubt and desire and it reads like poetry. There's no worry they'll think him any less worthwhile once the dark passes. And they won't.

I want to be like oxygen, the room a little dizzier and alive when I enter. It’s who I think I am. It's who I want you to think I am.

"'Cause every now and then I kick the living shit out of me."


Paula Light said...

I love that song.

/brandon\ said...

i don't know, that oxygen can be dangerous stuff. i mean, you can't live without it, but it can also blind you or burn you.

oh, and let's not even talk about ozone...

Don said...

I need some air.

Cody Bones said...

"life so cozy, so Crate and Barrel. So worth more."

Not always

Jodie Kash said...

@Paula – Oh, me too. Don’t like the actual momentary whining feelings as much.

@B - I think only dangerous near an open flame. Again, with the fire.

@Don – Just breathe.

@Cody – Exactly. That’s the point of the post, my friend, the envy of the butter on that guys bread. When in truth I have jelly.

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