Tuesday, February 3, 2009

You made me promises, promises

Have you seen the Chemistry.com “I promise” commercials? A current ad for this online dating service eavesdrops on a handsome, hetero couple sitting close at a sushi bar, gazing, talking and ready for the commitment step:

“I promise to take out the recycling…even though you’re better at it,” she coos.

He replies sheepishly, “I promise not to take myself too seriously.”

Sweet, silly words at the bud of loves bloom. What about affirmations geared to the real-world, the daily grind, those to encourage the happily co-existent ever after.

I promise not to force you to watch any movie starring Diane Lane in which she does not appear topless.

I promise to keep skid marks to a minimum.

I promise to work your knob like a Hoover.

I promise not to insert any exterior part of me into any interior part of another.

I promise to trust and not constantly hound you about your attractive, saucy, funny, outgoing women friends who have no desire whatsoever to steal you away, but are merely friendly, perhaps flirty, yes, but it takes two to Tango.

I promise, no Dutch Ovens.

Now that’s true love.


Cody Bones said...

No Dutch Ovens? Sorry, can't do it, after 18 years of marriage, it still cracks me up

Crys said...

i'm sorry babes, but every girl needs a good dutch oven. how am i supposed to make the perfect coq au vain?

Ignominious Bob said...

Like a Hoover? You really were put on this earth to torment me with the unattainable, weren't you?

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