Wednesday, May 27, 2009

"I would’ve lost my virginity earlier"

Me too, pretty baby, me too.

Brooke Shields revealed she lost her virginity somewhat late (by current standards) at the age of 22. She's been roundly chastised by the puritanical panty patrol for adding body image issues kept her from opening that great divide sooner, something she regrets.

Amen sister and hallelujah.

Where does virgin wool come from? The shy sheep.

I also blossomed and deflowered (our lady business comes down to gardening and bushes, doesn't it?) late; it took years past 22 to pit that cherry. I was fully aware as a child and teen, fantasizing about boys and kissing. Touching where it felt nice. But as the chubby toddler grew into a fat young girl straddling obese teenager (until years of “starvation dieting,” what the clinics now call an eating disorder) I never matured sexually. I feared showing my body, more afraid than your average girl. My parents ridiculed me, allowed cruel comments and punished instead of providing healthy foods and alternatives. I wasn’t worthy of love and attention when fat. Why on earth would a boy want to kiss me, hold my hand, touch me?

I’m still a fleshy girl, curvy with a belly and a round ass. But I adore having sex, crave it, truly wonder at what my body can do, how it responds and changes to touch and tongue and the heat of bare skin against it. What changed in the woman was the thinking, embracing and caressing what covers bones right now, regardless of pounds still to lose or areas more soft than hard. Someone comes to mind who was less appreciative. Our first and only time together, he slapped my ass and thigh in a manner more judgmental than playful. I was naked and sitting facing him and felt ugly and vulnerable and wholly exposed in that split second.

He was the first man I slept with and I still had a lot to learn. Not just the clinical but that what makes someone “good” in bed is confidence and abandon, talking, telling, letting go. Diving right in. That chemistry pulls us to what we desire, in many shapes and forms. That hiding oneself is punishment, physically and emotionally

I want to take a shower together and not strategically cover. I’ll get there. I have nothing to hide, really.


Paula Light said...

Nice post. There's someone for everyone, IMO, and it's helpful to get past the "should bees" in your head. We all have them, don't we?

Oh, look at me, giving advice. Bwahahahaaa!

Jodie Kash said...

Truth, Paula, more and more I don't believe there is a someone for this one. Not always comforting, often frustrating to force the smile. But, this pass perhaps I'm meant to take solo, absorb and learn from that journey. Learn is all we can do ;)

Jazzy Cher said...

BTW, my dad told me that virgin wool came from the sheep that run the fastest...

Jodie Kash said...

Cher, I'd always heard it as "ugly" sheep, but the uglies need love too ;)

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