Sunday, January 10, 2010

Closed on Sunday

Has it been two years? Or three? Couldn’t recall off hand.

Know for certain I have a stomach ache today, the combined result of nerve endings and that only a soy latte is swimming in it at 2:00 in the afternoon. Drove all the way out of the way to treat myself to a fresh scone after yoga this morning, only to find the bakery closed on Sunday.

Closed on Sunday?

Sigh.

January 10, 2010. 01-10-10. Seems like a day to buy a lotto ticket or get married or something, numbers round, aligned and balanced. And two years (had to check) since everything changed.

Know for certain in time I’ll remember only that it happened in January, that I won’t recall exact dates. I think my brother died February 12th. 10th? Definitely early-to-mid February. So after a while I’ll only recall early-to-mid January. No need really and today I’m sad and a little angry because the pragmatic-forward-looking me says bemoaning a parents death is stupid. Weak. Circle of life, we all end up there eventually; our job is to simply fill in the holes between born and die. Making a muss and fuss only gets you the, “Oh, I’m sorry” head tilt (if that). So keep it to yourself. The last step is acceptance after all.

But I miss him.

My Mom accused me of putting my Dad on a pedestal after, that death elevated him in my world. That’s not entirely untrue. I think she was jealous he died first and got all the good attention. Some of the family rolled like that, perhaps still do. We haven't really spoken in two years.

I’m not that far removed today from where I was one year ago when I wrote about it happening a year ago. So I guess I do write from the gut.

Know for certain I have a stomach ache today

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