Friday, January 8, 2010

Carry on

Read in a chick magazine or boys online journal once that men with children make good companions. They have more patience and greater ability to sniff out what’s real in relationships, more so than stopping at the polished candy coating. Heard the same about men with dogs versus cats; men with cats can roam and prowl for days, but those with dogs know if they don’t come home, there will be piss on the rug.

I have a girlfriend, a young widower with two kids. When I expressed to her feeling sometimesmaybeperhaps a bit left on the shelf she assured me most assuredly that wasn't case. But when it comes to dating + spawn the kids “win." They have to.

Fair enough. No argument.

The manfriend has a son. One that's seven. Haven’t meet him, haven’t wanted or felt the need to and we’ve had that talk. The moment that gauntlet is thrown the relationship changes. Our time together is spent exploring sushi restaurants and fun menus, having sex and curling up for a movie on the couch previously meant for one comfortably that now holds two. Once the boy comes into the frame it changes, activities and expectations are different. A child’s world is small, especially a young one, and they see what’s in the moment. I become part of the picture, one that’s not fully developed yet. We’re still in the middle of discovery, past the how do you take your coffee, not yet to hopes and dreams and, “Hey wanna live together?”

Once I meet the boy I can’t slip out sideways undetected. Not that I want to, but no one has an infallible crystal or Magic 8 ball.

It’s getting harder dating a man with a kid. Every other weekend is off limits (save Sunday, sometimes late Sunday). After a long work week would love nothing more than the filthy dirties and pizza pan plate of hummus and chewy flatbread at our favorite joint. But he’s got company so I’m cooking dinner and planning a bath. My circle of friends, especially those like me who can come and go and do at will, is small. Microscopic. And I’m not really all that interested in finding trouble - not the kind I used to. My last casual relationship had a girlfriend; the live-in kind he was cheating on, double dipping if you will. With him, I was the baggage, albeit a a piece of carry-on.

And I'm good with time apart, time just for me. Despite my ENFP Meyers Brigg definition, I cherish and recharge in time spent alone, decompressing, regrouping and farting out loud.

But it’s Friday night and I’d rather be anywhere but here. With him. I'm making pork chops for dinner.

Nearly done.

9 comments:

Lisa said...

Yeah, I agree that you shouldn't meet the kid until you're in that "we are really serious" zone. But that is a bummer that every other weekend you're left alone :(

tentopet said...

We should hang sometime. I know this is far off, but it sounds like he'd be gone on February's First Friday? You know, where you walk down Santa Fe to check out all the art galleries? I keep thinking you'd be fun to go with; it's a very cool, showy scene.

Jason and I are splitting up. I haven't been very forthcoming about it because we're still actually living together, saving up for our next move. I'm moving to New York in 3 months!

Jodie Kash said...

Just need Lindi for the trilogy ;)

The manfriend introduced me to Santa Fe First Friday last summer and it would be fab to share it through your eyes.

Goodness, I was jealous (good jealous) when you moved downtown. In NY won't be able to stand you ;) LOVE "That Redheaded Chick" blog.

And love your truth.

Tim said...

It would be bad for the boy if you meet him before getting engaged. I know that sounds crazy, but unless you are planning on getting married if this boy gets attached to you then you not only hurt the father, but the boy as well. Small children are fragile. He probably hopes mom and dad will get back together. Even if they explain that this will never happen he's hoping for a miracle. If he likes you and it fizzles out after he accepts you in the role of step mom to be, well, I guess I made my point. Tread carefully...

Jodie Kash said...

Good point, Captain Tim. I wanted my parents to reconcile, regardless of how awful they were to each other...and us.

Wonder what it's like to be first in line.

Jodie Kash said...

...but, what is this word "engaged?" I don't understand the language. Is that the tool to check the air in your tires?

jorg wobblington lopez said...

i love farting out loud, or 'foling' as it's known around the office.

Red Shoes said...

Yes... children change the entire situation... when Laura and I had been dating for a few months, she decided it was time for me to meet her 13 yo... Man... how that changed... we didn't survive...

and so it goes...

~shoes~

Jodie Kash said...

I would imagine 13 a bit more awkward? Is that the right word? You’re gonna be hated even if you invented Xbox and your house was built of pizza pockets and girly mags.

Like the manfriends dog, a seven-year-old would (would…still not going there, no present tense ) dig me just because I roll on the floor to play and bring treats.

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