You know that scene in Say Anything when Lloyd Dobbler declares, “The rain on my car is a baptism, the new me, Ice Man, Power Lloyd, my assault on the world begins now.”
I’m with you, Lloyd. Not breaking up with anyone, severing ties or painting a pink heart black, or turning to the ladies for fluffy muffin comfort but bringing it all back to me.
I will make time for the gym, back to five-days-a-week regularity and sometimes 15-20 minute steam after (I can hear the muffled piped in music through the roar of the steam and thick glass doors and count time by songs; I usually give myself 4-5 unless it’s an extended jam band or Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody). I need it, I want it and I owe it to my physical and mental self. I will demand it.
Spinning, kick boxing, strength training. I want it all and I want my body to be able to manage and push through it because (let’s face it) it’s hard work and not always (hell, not even often) enjoyable. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes you want to give in but you know when the lactic burns it’s changing you. I’m insurance-approved lucky to work with some of the best in sports medicine soon, courtesy of the boneyard that is my pelvis. What the MRI showed looks like the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan; a small anterior lambrum tear, two old avulsion fractures, a large strain to the large rectus femoris tendon, a small sprinkling of tendinitis. My orthopedic doc, when sharing results and a plan of action, must have asked 8 times in a 15 minute call, “Are you sure you don’t have any pain? Nothing?” I happily reported, “I’m good! Even having sex all the way splayed out, just like I like it! Cowgirl even!! Yeee-haw!”
They say keep no secrets from your medical professionals. And sure it gets a little stiff, a little sore and I haven't pushed my limits in the gym. How embarrassing would that be, to crack in half while in a power squat?
I will treat my body like a temple, nourish it to be strong and stable. It’s not a dumping ground of emotion, a garbage disposal of boredom eating and stress drinking.
I will write and write and write. For me. And I will embrace new work challenges, test my mettle but keep faith enough in my talent and my passion to possibly walk away and towards something else. Because I can.
I will appreciate those who like me, who really like me and don’t let me run away too far from them.
I will take a good long look at and meditate on true happiness.
I will awake each morning with a full body stretch and reminder that every day is anything can happen day.
I will buy and send cards for no reason.
I will wash my make-up off every night.
I will drink more water.
I will listen to more music and view more art.
I will simply try.