Sunday, June 27, 2010

Don't give me no lies and keep your hands to yourself*

*My genitals, myself

After a couple weeks of kumbaya blog posts about happiness other than the kind found down ones pants (still warm and wiggling important stuff), we now return to our regularly scheduled debauchery. Good old fashioned chat about bumping uglies. Blogger Aileen posted last week regarding a question often directed to ladies of a certain age (never you randy bachelors, regardless of how low the ball sack is hanging):

"Soooooo, why is it that you've never been married?"

No big surprise (?) I think marriage is an antiquated idea, based upon property rights (whether cow, beans, land or genitals) but with a caveat; if one is absolutely intent on or desires to breed, marriage and/or partnership is optimal. Just don’t hit your kids or ignore them. Or fuck around (more on that later). Yet there are bits and pieces and baubles of marriage (not love, two different animals) I find engaging and sometimes wonder if I'm missing out on. Although I’m not known to wear jewelry other than large bangle-like silver hoops, a ring would be a lovely token, an “I choo-choo-choose you." Art deco or estate, nothing pave and solitaire and soldered together in a hot metal swirl. Or to pick a song for the first dance floor twirl as Mr. And Mrs. At one time I wanted to get married only because I’d decided between either The Association’s “Cherish” or “Oh My Love” by John Lennon, the latter total sap. And so awesome.

But this isn’t about the tulle and creamy filling.

Single is not a fail. And enough with the condescending idea that those never married (or who don't wish to be) can’t possibly comprehend what it’s like to be part of committed duo. Some things you just know, like chewing on a cat turd won’t taste anything like a Tootsie Roll. And I know that when you sign up for and agree to ever-after, you're true blue and stuck like glue. Meaning no wandering genitals. Sexuality is one thing, temptation another yet. And commitment the thorny side of the triangle. Explore and talk about sexuality within a marriage or any relationship. But when placing your parts into or around another parts includes less than full disclosure or lying or secrets that's a fail.

Single isn't a lifetime "Get Out Of Jail Free" pass, mind you.

Months into dating the manfriend, I broached the idea of keeping my 12-years-younger-Kennedyesque-physical-only fling. He didn't go for it, then or when I brought it up again later. We’re good, he’s a good man for stating it. The still occasional text from the fling is delightfully tempting, but it’s also merely penetration and copulation and I have good stuff over here. Doesn't mean the topic of flunging may not rear its head again (dirty). And we'll talk.

Success or fail? Truthful or hurtful?

Chicken or fish?


Don said...

You're so right about what a fail cheating is. To build a new relationship while another is ongoing (that doesn't encompass the new one) is just lying to and using everyone. I refuse. I say that a lot becaue I'm hella tempted but you already know my answer: Fix myself before trying to fix it to someone else. And getting there, albeit at my naturally glacial pace. Real good on ya for simply bringing it up and choosing to abide by his wishes! I would advise against bringing it up a third time. :)

Jodie Kash said...

Sometimes a girl just gotta do. Permission vs. forgiveness thing.

dan said...


You know what you like, and what you truly need. It can be tricky to parse them out from each other, but you never want to ruin a really good steak with a big blob of chocolate sauce. Believe me, I once put A1 on ice cream and the experience haunts me still.

Jodie Kash said...

Yikes, don't tell the ice cream that. Could sour them a bit.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

Before meeting my now husband, I was a cheater. I was engaged to a man I didn't respect and who didn't fulfill my needs. I didn't actively seek to cheat and I didn't cheat with any keepers. I also never told the ex about the cheating...what was the point.

When I met the now hubs, I was seeing several men (and happily dancing between the sheets with all of them.) It was a huge decision for me to choose him over them.

My intention was to never marry this man, I didn't need the convention either. But our families wanted this for us and I think he did we did. While I don't regret the decision, I regret not standing up for MY CHOICE.

Coloradocasters said...

Yes. Single is not “fail”. Failing the relationship through lies, betrayal or otherwise is indeed the “fail”. I have left a small trail of broken relationships for many reasons and should carry the “fail” sign around like a red blinking light.

It always starts with blissful moments of wine on our lips and morning breakfast kisses only to wade later in the pool of argument and misery. I ask myself if it was even worth it at all. The sting of “fail” lingers longer than one might expect.

Your blog is excellent by the way and I enjoy your writing greatly. I will follow from a distance…just don’t throw stuff at me. =)

Jodie Kash said...

Welcome to my head. And no, I don't throw things. Perhaps an occasional shoe.

btw...failing is fine. But I grimace at marrieds who lay claim to genitalia and don’t mean it. And yes too, we all fuck up.

If I could figure out how to have it all, I'd make a ba-zillion dollars. And I wouldn't drink so much vodka ;)

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