I bitch and moan a lot about “my writing.” How I wish I had more time for it, how I wish I knew how to do something more than attract 28 blog followers and loads of comments from those who take time to read and like my stories. I wish I knew how to answer the question (asked as recently as Saturday afternoon while lactic acid pockets and triggers were handily rubbed out of my naked shoulders and neck), “Why don’t you write a book or something?”
All the good things I’ve gathered and gobbled up in life (so far) I've had a hand in. Relationships kept strong and mostly real regardless of miles or time or fear and excitement of the next steps. The good food I choose to eat, the dedication to exercise and shining of my heart.
Or my first apartment at 17, the one with posters and magazine covers of the The Go-Gos, Duran Duran and The Police tacked to wall. Or how I applied for college with just about a dollar in my pocket and no financial plan other than I’d figure it out with the acceptance letter. Or how I finished five years later with a cumulative B average and bachelors degree I believed I could do anything I wanted to with.
Or how ten years ago I got hired at my corporate behemoth after blowing off one then miserably failing two more highly technical interviews by counteracting the snarly upper managers question, “I don’t see why I should hire you” with, “Because I don’t give up.” Or how years later I sashayed into the new boss’s office and proposed a dream gig in communications that, after three more rounds of stuffy uppy executive interviews, I created for myself from scratch. Or how I later determined I could write for the company web site and creative team based in New York from right where I sit - at home in gym gear on good days, pajamas on most and a cat on my feet.
Or how as a result of all of that plus mindful spending (and 784 credit rating) I now partake in and enjoy the creature comforts of few genuine money worries. Or how I buy only new cars and designer towels and good bottles of wine. Or the house I work out of. Bought by my glorious words.
Minutes ago, my muse and mindful mind brought forth this gem:
“This offering provides pre-installation planning and guidance for the power, cooling, physical layout and mechanical systems required for highly dense systems. Services include power analysis for server and rack level configurations and guidance on power distribution and cooling analysis of both air cooled and water cooled solutions."
God or Buddha or Yahweh help me.
Motivation is difficult, some days impossible. I'm bored silly most days, regretful some and truly sad others. Because I need to simply do. Again. Uncertain as I am to jump, history tells me I land upright. And thank you for reminding me.
Day after day
I will walk and I will play
But the day after today
I will stop
And I will start...