Monday, August 2, 2010

This is a relationship. Right?

He's not overly stylish in dress and has no desire or need to change his crooked bottom row of teeth. His is a lived-in guys house. He doesn’t share some of the big things that happen to or around him or many emotions good or bad, unless prompted. He’s not the party-waiting-to-happen social flirt I am.

But he laughs out loud when we watch episodes of “The Young Ones” and makes coffee on the mornings I sleep over and was there to put oil in the car when the red-neon-genie-lamp looking icon began flashing Saturday. He plays the 80’s new wave station when I ask for music and always keeps butcher shop bacon on hand for breakfast. I ask a lot of him. And I’m still not convinced that I'm wholly with him. And vice versa. We’re together because we like and love each other and like and love having company and care and the other to watch movies and have dinner with. And maybe that’s what it is. What it's supposed to be.

I know I feel calmer with him to rely on. I know it feels good when we're together, few pressures and a time to recharge. A lazy Sunday spent on the couch (one I would pay him to haul away). I know I have real fear of real issues and the times when I say too much, or want to say more but feel it's better I don't because, damn, if I can't talk and talk.

He told me once I deserve to be loved.

Maybe that's it.

Right.

5 comments:

The Housewife said...

Relationships are scary entities. Maybe that's why it feels so good when you feel like you've succeeded.

Jodie Kash said...

Relationships and friendships and family-as-you-define-it, yep the whole sticky ball of ear wax. Scary entities.

And worth it.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

Wait, you're married to my husband? oh, wait. He doesn't make coffee or buy the bacon (does have the teeth thing though.)

There is a huge part of me that wished I had waited before taking our relationship to live-together status. I was really enjoying being casual. Living together was a whole 'nother beast.

Marriage? Yeah, I'm kicking myself. Sticky ball of ear wax is putting it nicely.

Yours sounds comfortable. But I also understand the questioning. Damn brain...wouldn't be nice to turn it off and just be?

Jodie Kash said...

Sticky ball of ear wax is putting it nicely.

Huh.

I do like the bacon.

Caleb said...

Have a short list of "must haves" and the rest is gravy.

And remember, if it's not exactly what you want, you'll never look for better while tethered to comfort.

Good having a dependable lay though, right?

Caleb

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