Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I'll have the meat and two veg

The newest season of Survivor premiered tonight and the catch this year is “older” versus “younger," those under the age of 30 up against a tribe of 40+ year-old members. As someone who’s never really watched or carried on through a full season of the show (but finds herself with more time spent at home of late, just the cats, red wine and telly), I finally get the appeal. It's the men with lovely buff and waxed bodies running about in boxer briefs. My only complaint is that CBS censors pixelate outlines of penis and balls in the jungle, turning proper packages into anatomically incorrect, flat front Ken dolls. We’ve seen nipples for years, what’s wrong with a happy sack or divining rod?

Show me the full Huey Lewis and the News.

Genitals aside, and as someone who’d fall into the older tribe bracket, I propose age brings wisdom and stronger competitors. Knowing how things work, how people operate. Sure aged bodies don’t respond the same - there are more limits. So as the season plays out will the advantage be strength, stamina or something else?

But the girl with the fake leg? She has zero chance given chatter has already begun about the “sympathy” vote she would earn in a final duo. Reminds me of a story from years back. I was taking a corporate class in something silly but useful like the Meyer Briggs personality test or “Channeling Anger into Action.” After lunch we gathered again to find the instructor pensive and standing at the front of the room. He held his fingers in front of his face, upward and together like the steeple in the “Here is a church, here is a steeple,” rhyme.

“In the cafeteria just now I saw a man,” he said softly, speaking mostly into his hands. “He was…“ dramatic pause, “…in a wheelchair.” Long sigh. “And I thought for a moment, how lucky I am.”

What in the name of the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon? Mirrored pathos, embracing and hugging out ones “good” fortune in the reflection of someone else’s "bad" is distasteful at worst and unfair at best. And as for that man in the wheelchair, I knew for a fact (given he was the brother of the man I was living with at the time) he got scads of pussy because he was engaging and funny and smooth. And made a shitload of cash because he was smart and talented and driven to do so. One happy bastard.

As for my Wednesday nights, I find Survivor Marty hot and hitting all my tingly spots. And on the “old guy” team. He should wear boxer briefs. And just asking, but why do older, folksy woman on these shows always speak with a Fargo accent?

4 comments:

Paula Light said...

Hah! All these years I never knew that (HL&tN).

Jodie Kash said...

How could you NOT!? Guess my eyes just...wander.

The Housewife said...

I have never seen an episode of Survivor. I plan to keep it that way, unless there is more package coverage. Keep me informed.

Peau said...

happy sack or divining rod?

only you, m'love.

brilliant.

Search me