Thursday, October 21, 2010

Babes in Toyland

Some of you should stop reading right now.

I’ll give you a moment.

Sex toys tickle me, and not like that.

Told you to stop.

Adult diversions are silly and funny, especially the female variety. The names (dildo is a damn funny word), the colors, sometimes simply the sheer girth and volume of them. Japanese sex toys are prohibited from looking like penises, so manufacturers there make toys with faces or that look like animals (bunnies, ducks, anything with long ears or a bill). I have a large purple member with a smiley face stamped under where the head would be.

Some ladies giggle like school girls when mentioning theirs or give them cute names, just as some do for body parts. For the record, my tits are tits, not Turner and Hooch, Thelma and Louise, Fred or Barney.

I’m not a super huge fan of the toys. Yes they do they trick when the treats aren't there, but nothing in the world compares to a partner. The job just isn’t the same. And The Rabbit? Yet another reason to dislike the vapid (and sort of woman hating) series, Sex and The City which first introduced millions of woman to the whirly dervish that is The Rabbit. Myself a dutiful and adventurous girl I tried it and it’s a seriously scary thing, what with the beads swirling and the twirling and the noise and the rrr...rrr...rrr. Plus it’s big, meaning long, and you can only travel so far downtown. I mean, you can’t park a stretch limo in a standard size garage.

I favor and recommend the classic Pocket Rocket, swift, palm sized, hella efficient and useful alone or in pairs. Just a bing on the button does in minutes what few men can. And he likes it too, an “end result” so strong he may think he won’t get it back. But then I can pull off condoms with mine, like a party trick.

Kegel's ladies. Do your Kegel's. And did you know men can do them too?


gekko said...

Agreed, nothing compares with a real partner, assuming partner is skilled, responsive, caring, etc.

That said, I have a few toys. The Scary Koi Toy is pretty amazing, as they go. Swirly beads not so scary and, really, don't add much, at least for me. The scary part is the thrashing fisherman and the twitching clitoral koi.

The Housewife said...

Partners are much much better than toys.

I was thinking about getting the rabbit to see what the hullabaloo was about, but never got to it..

Syd said...

Ah. I so agree. The Rabbit, no. To many buttons. And much too complex. I'm with you on the simple, pocket rocket. That is the go to.

But every once in a while the rock chick is superb:

I'd like to try this smaller version (which can be easily used with a partner) but its not in the budget right now:

Maybe Santa will be nice to a naughty girl like me. :)

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