Thursday, October 28, 2010

Pull on a ski mask and it’s one step away from Furry

Back in my day when you were cold you put on socks and a sweater. Now entire fortunes are made by stitching a felt throw into arms, cutting a head hole and calling it a Snuggie®. On those days you just can’t get out of bed, you can wear it. There are Snuggie’s for babies, Snuggie’s for dogs and now Snuggie sex.

The just published Snuggie Sutra features more than a 100 erotic positions including "The Matador" (check out the Keith Herring-esque erection outline) and "The Mel Gibson" where, "he gets to wear the Snuggie, because he fucking deserves it." Guides to self pleasure and happy alone time included (the Snuggie is machine washable.)

I find going down under the covers a bit claustrophobic. I like my head out. But I'm wholly and wooly intrigued by "The Pitched Tent."

It's tingly in a bad way that what look like the blue and pink plastic peg people you stick in Hasbro's Game of Life car demonstrate positions. My head goes to the kid on the box cover, all freckles and 1970’s orange turtleneck. He didn’t have a Snuggie chubby.

But this is an actual book, a book what got published and will no doubt find itself inside stockings this holiday season. I can play too, sell a little of my soul for an Amazon.com listing. Putting aside heartfelt confessions and completive personal essays, Chapter One:

How to Get Down and Dirty (Then Clean Again) with the ShamWow.

Coming next Christmas. Don’t steal my idea.

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