Monday, October 18, 2010

Writing cheat

  1. I sprinkle garlic salt on eggs when fried, but dill when scrambled.
  2. And for years I didn't eat eggs because they're chicken babies. Fetuses really.
  3. I very well may be composed of 10% coffee.
  4. The rest is red wine, Grey Goose and green olives.
  5. But I'm actually pretty healthy, mostly because good health sprouts from your head.
  6. I can beat all comers at Beatles trivia.
  7. I always had more men friends than woman until recently. Because at a certain age the women with your men friends don’t warm much to a single woman being friendly with their man.
  8. I like men more because some women (more than you'd think) are veiled misogynists. And that's the most unattractive thing on a chick besides a lip pimple.
  9. I’ve never understood milk.
  10. I have a bad back but a strong backbone.
  11. Those Victoria Secret sweatpants with “PINK” stitched on the ass are unimaginative at best and silly pussy advertisement at worst. 
  12. I have a tiny tattoo.
  13. And a lone freckle in a most interesting spot that few have (or will) ever see. Yep. There.
  14. I like to fart. 
  15. I may have had some shit kicked out of me as kid and blocked as an adult because a) x-rays don't lie and b) survivor is a better word than victim. And c) we used to get "the belt" and that's some serious old school parenting. It was white leather with a big silver buckle and I have pictures of my Mom wearing it. With hot pants.
  16. I don't lie much. Don't have to. Sometimes pure truth hurts me though; not mine as much as others reactions to it because that can be a slippy slope. 
  17. I was a bona fide, clinical virgin well into my thirties.
  18. What sometimes comes off as juvenile is actually a rabid zest for life.
  19. A wicked sense of humor turns me and will get me in bed.
  20. Pop-culture-heavy-cartoons like Animanics, Pinky and the Brain, Freakazoid and Tiny Toons I could watch all day.
  21. Worry is a fucking waste of time.
  22. Any or all of these randoms may become a blog. Well, #14 is a stretch.
  23. I write for a living (and snug paycheck). This makes me feel accomplished because what's your day job? And sad because I'm tired tonight and gave in to a writing cheat like a random and self-indulgent list.
  24. I'll forgive myself.


Don said...

8. An extrardinarily frustrating thing about Her was the myriad ways her inner misogynist would come out, mistaking itself for clarity and wisdom.

24. Lifelong project.

Pearl said...

And I forgive you as well.



Jodie Kash said...

Oh that's good. So good. Read it back several times now and it catches my breath each time. Your words, Don? Google won't tell.

Don said...

Yeah, mine. I blame her mother. :)

Jodie Kash said...

Baby I give due where due, and that's fucking brilliant. And true for many. Even me sometimes...

Lisa said...

I'm convinced that #7 is why I'm having a hard time finding really good, close friends nowadays. Because all of my really good, close friends were guys, and I can't really go around hanging out with guys when I'm married. So I'm stuck with girls. Bah. :)

The Housewife said...

I like the cheat. I can relate.

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