Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I do declare

It’s okay to be gay week on Oprah.

I tease because I love. And I happen to love men, I just never had to come out and proclaim it. No need to name my side, publicly choose team mates, define myself by my genitals. As a heterosexual woman I was allowed to taste and savor and straddle without fanfare or laying myself open to judgment or ridicule or hatred or hopeful acceptance. And tears. I bet a good deal of tears.

Monday on Oprah, Portia (de Rossi) DeGeneres appeared touting a new memoir about her battle with anorexia and bulimia, a defeating body image and being a gay woman and actress. Tuesday Ricky Martin appeared touting a new memoir about his coming out as a proud gay man and life as a single parent, mother and father to twin moppets.

On today's show, “Oprah and Gayle's Camping Adventure, Part 2.” Wonder if Oprah is gearing up to tell us something.

It’s painful and shameful to hide who you are. Denying sexuality is denying self and goodness knows emotion and lust and desire and love and nakedness and penetration makes it fuzzy and difficult for some. Virgins are misunderstood (especially the late in life ones), so are whores. Preachers kids were always the wildest of my high school bunch, because tell a kid they can’t have a brownie and you have a diabetic in the making.

Society still looks at sex with a giggle or hand in front on a gasping mouth. I had a woman friend years ago (not like that, giggly) separating from her husband who’d invite me over for dinner and movies with her two young girls. One night she queued up Legends of The Fall. During the more violent and splatty scenes, she’d excuse her daughters from the room, ask them to get a snack or simply cover their eyes. During the sex scenes she did nothing.

My Mom shooed us away if a kiss lingered or jaw slightly unhinged on an episode of Guiding Light or one of her other stories. I was taken aback by my friend, respected and honored her and the women her daughters were no doubt destined to become. And never forgot it.

Hiding sexuality, shaming it or defining it as wrong or different or against God, there can be no peace.

We all need a little peace and, if you’re so inclined, a little piece. Not everybody does it, but everybody should.


gekko said...


Name: Destiny said...

I was talking about this with a friend of mine today! She was raised in a very religious household and was pretty much taught that sex is a dirty thing, so when she got married-- well long story short, her sex life sucks (and she's married, how hard could it be?). Is that not ridiculous?! I mean, I'm a Christian, and I have my morals and all, but sex, dirty? Ha! It's a gift, not dirty in the slightest...I mean it could be I guess, if you wanted it to be...not the point. I just think its sad the way some parents set their kids up to think that way.

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