Thursday, November 4, 2010

Not sure who I'd be without it

I’ve always been amused by bloggers who announce their sabbaticals or exit from online journaling with big fanfare.

And I’m in awe of “day writers” and other nine-to-five creatives who write or produce short films in their spare time, or freelance or actually get published. They must have better time management or simply watch less TV than I do.

I love writing and this blog. Pulling stories from my hands is almost magical; time stops a little while I do it. As dramatic and Sarah Bernhardt as it sounds, I make sense of things here. I own this name, bought it earlier this year thinking I could do something more with it than attract a handful of page hits a day. Because what I do here isn’t sharing cute kids stories, or keeping up with extended families, or veiled messages (usually, although sometimes), or trying to shock you from behind a character. This is me and I want this to be something. It’s not a hobby. This is a dream and it’s lost.

But maybe there’s no big discovery anymore, no Diablo Cody moment of tripping across a lone blog among millions on the web and offering a new voice the chance to soar. Unless that blog is about shit my Dad says or awkward family photos. I’ve been here, doing this, for four years now. And although I’ve discovered and envied others talent and lusted after some and flirted with many and sometimes brought a tear and often a laugh or helped a boy fall in love with me, I haven’t found the audience that wants more. I haven’t done anything to do something.

I haven't sold me.

Sadly I don’t really call what I do for work “writing” anymore. It’s more like “word dissemination.” But I need to direct energy and attention into those words, the commerce words. I haven’t written more than a few pages this past week (and last) because I’m blocked, with no desire and little momentum and deadlines looming, editors at my chops. I need to write over there.

And not here. I may post some classic stuff, some of the things I wrote in some 429 blogs that I really like, that are really good. I said it. My writing, this storytelling is good. Really good.

So at the end of the page I don’t know the etiquette, and probably wouldn’t follow it if I did. Does one say goodbye or later gator or I’ll see you around, maybe or I may come back now and then?

Okay.

6 comments:

Don said...

No, you just put this down and leave it here and go pick up something else and sooner or later someone will send an email and ask what you're doing and with any luck the answer will be something even better.

Peau said...

Shoot, this makes me sad. I read everything you write in my reader. I should comment more. Obviously, you can't see that I read if I do so in my reader. I'm sure your readership is a good deal larger than you think.

Olives.

Name: Destiny said...

Are you kidding me? I read everything you write, and then I look over posts that were from far before my introduction to the blogging world! I love your writing, it has such a strong voice, and you're far funnier than I could ever be (I envy that a little, honest)...what crys says is true, we should comment more-- then you'll know for sure we read! It is disheartening, to see 0 commments - post after post, on things you thought were great; things that slowly faded from magnificent to average to "...ehh, I guess it wasn't my best work." But I can guarantee you, there is nothing average about you Jodie Kash (I mean seriously, say your name out loud, you're a rockstar and you know it).

Jenny Kash said...

Noooo! I love reading your blogs too! How will I procrastinate doing dishes now with no blogs to read? :P

Love ya,
Jenny Kash :)

jorg wobblington lopez said...

I read everything you write. Hopefully I am not the one trying to shock behind a character but the one who fell in love with you.

Pearl said...

I say we write until it's no longer fun.

Then we put it down for a bit.

But we don't leave. Oh, no. (Or we do. YOu know you best. Are you truly done?)

Pearl

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